It seems to be the most common thing that women want to work on when it comes to self-improvement.....
We would all like some more self-confidence right?
... the true self-confidence...but yet for one reason or another, it just seems hard to build up.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again... true self-confidence has nothing to do with the outside appearance, but instead, it has everything to do with who you are on the inside.
So, if you want to build up your confidence, you really need to work from the inside out.
I've always loved the number 3.... and I really believe that to build up your confidence, three things need to match up...
Think of it like this......
Have you ever said "I'm going to get healthier. I'm going to get in shape, eat better and tone up." But you never set in place an action plan... a guideline to go by (eating plan, workout routine, etc.). Sure you may start doing some crunches and start walking a little more, and then your bestie wants to go out to eat.....
while you are looking over the menu, you chat about your goal to be healthier and how it's going great, and then the waiter comes back and you cave and go for the fried chicken and fries.... extra ranch on the side. Sure it tasted good and felt great at the moment, but later you think back and say "ugh... I could have done better."
Now, let me be clear.... I love fried chicken and all the ranch. I'm also all for treating yourself and like I said before true confidence doesn't truly have anything to do with outward appearance. But I feel like this is something that most of us can relate to and that feeling of unbalance, "ugh, I could have done better" is what happens to us when our words, actions, and values don't match up.
Why does this affect our confidence?
......because when our actions, words, and values aren't aligned, we aren't being honest with ourselves and we aren't living the life that we want to live.
Just keeping it real for a minute.....
We can think as much as we want that "I'm going to be a kind person" (values), talk about how we should always be kind (words) but the moment we have a bad day, and someone steps a pinky toe out of line... all bets are off, and all the sass is coming out (actions).
We can think all we want about how favoritism is not a good thing (values), talk about how we love all of our kids (words) yet we spend more time and effort on one more than the other (actions).
Here's a popular one (probably going to step on some toes here, but yall it's all out of love...)
We think, and we tell ourselves and others that God has made us all beautiful and unique and that we should love who we are (values & words). But later you are staring in the mirror picking out any flaws you think you see and then decide to post a "perfectly posed" picture or put on your most figure-hugging outfit in hopes that others will send compliments your way and hopefully... maybe that will build up your confidence for a bit (actions)
You see... it just doesn't make any sense.
When our words, actions, and values don't align, we aren't being true to ourselves. We are doing ourselves such a disservice because we would love to live life one way (values), but our words and actions don't match up with it.
It leaves people feeling unbalanced and with little to zero confidence in themselves.
Friend, I'll be the first to tell you..... none of us are perfect, and there are going to be times when these three things don't match up perfectly... we're human.
But with work.... hard work, over years and years of practice it gets easier. Then before you know it, you are feeling more confident in yourself because you are staying true to who you are.
There's no wavering and second guessing..... it's simple:
This is who I am; this is what I believe, this is what I choose to do and say and when I stumble (because I will) I will own up to my mistake and keep going, striving to be the best me I can be.